I will not miss you, Summer.

No, not my friend Summer. And I do have a friend named Summer.

I'm referring to this useless season we are currently enduring. It has little going for it other than school being out, and that reason in itself is debatable.

Things I don't like about summer:

1- The bracing, hot, sticky, annoying heat.

2- By proxy, the A/C bill. For no other reason would I spend $200 a month on air.

3- It's the last stretch of months one must endure before football season begins.

4- TV shows are on a break. For those of you that have 1,000 things backed up on your DVR, or watch one of those freak-of-nature, doesn't-follow-the-rules, "summer" TV shows like "The Closer", or "Burn Notice", it's a long, parched, desert for the rest of us. Three months it too terribly long to go without watching "Bones."

5- Some of us don't enjoy wearing bathing suits or sundresses. Honestly.

6- The upside to being a SAHM is being able to go places during the week without a million kids being around. Not so in the summer. Everywhere I go is crawling with children, and really, I have enough of my own.

7- If I want to exercise outside, it must be accomplished before 8am to avoid heatstroke.

8- We are relegated to constantly eating grilled food or yogurt for dinner, so we can avoid turning on the oven or stove and adding even MORE heat to the house.

9- Did I mention the heat?

Now, let me counteract those of you who wish to argue:

1- I don't like the beach.

2- Cold weather suits me just fine.

3- I can have ice cream, hot dogs, and coleslaw anytime of year. That goes for watermelon and lemonade, too.

4- One word: Christmas.

If I ever move to the Southern Hemisphere, I might have a problem.

The Best

I have a nasty confession to make. I will be the bold one and make it here, but I'm guessing that some of you are guilty of this, too.

I want to be the best.

I am interested in many things, and I am good, even great, at a few things. But I am not satisfied merely with interest and accomplishment. I want to be THE best. Sometimes I get pretty persnickety when I hear of or experience somebody that outpaces me in my choice accomplishments.

Examples:
I am pretty funny. But I know at least three people that are way funnier than me, and I curse those upstarts for their witty vocabulary and quick comedic timing.

I make wicked good cookies. One of the guys at my husband's poker games makes cookies that put mine to shame.(yep, that's right. A guy.) Folks are always begging him to make his blasted cookies, while mine are pitifully passed over.

I am a pretty good teacher, and am very enthusiastic about my subject. (sometimes too enthusiastic...) Most of my students like me just fine. But I have at least two co-workers that are the All-Stars of my school, whom the students adore and think are the coolest ever. I will never be as revered as those teachers.

I read lots of books, most of them "good" books, and very little junk (especially if you overlook my "Twilight" phase). I went to a friend's house last week and her "bathroom book" was A Movable Feast. Hemingway! In the bathroom! How can I compete with that?

You can see where all of this is going.

For one thing, we are not meant to be the best. According to The Best, Jesus, we are to be the worst:

Matthew 20:16- "And the last will be first, and the first will be last."

Which means something along the lines of, "if I spend my life trying to be the best baker/teacher/comedian without actually trying to bless people, I will find myself without much of a home in heaven."

That's pretty clear, and I can take that Holy-Spirit-Sucker-Punch-of-Humility, because Jesus says so.

However, Jesus makes this even more bearable by telling us how special we are. For the biggest Godly-Confidence-Boost of all time, check out Psalm 139:

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you."

To recap: He knew me before I was made. He created me for His special purpose (that's Ephesians 2:10), he thinks about me so much it's beyond comprehension, my whole life has been perfectly ordained by Him.

So there's comforting knowledge in this: He HAS created me to be the best at His own purpose for me, whatever that may be. I just hope it's the cookies.

Too much of a good thing.

Yesterday we spent the day in Hershey, PA.
Sounds fun, right?
Not so much.
I am still recovering from Chocolate Shock.

10am: Arrive in Chocolate World.
10:15: Purchase tickets for 3-D movie and Tasting Adventure
10:30: Coffee and muffin in food court
11:00: Eat first fun-size Hershey bar given free upon exiting the movie
11:15: Take free "tour"
11:25: Eat York Peppermint Patty given free upon exiting the tour
11:35: Take free "tour" again
11:45: Politely refuse 2nd fun-size Hershey bar given free upon exiting the tour
12:00: Tasting Adventure- 1 chocolate drink with cinnamon and coffee, 1 fun-size Hershey bar, 1 Extra Dark Hershey square, 1 Dark Bliss square, 1 specialty milk square, 1 Caramel Hershey kiss
12:45: Salad, sandwiches, water in the food court
1:00: Shopping in retail centers
1:15: Eat Reese's Dark Cups because they advertise "You Could Win $20,000" on the package

2:30: Arrive at The Hershey Story Museum
2:45: Enter The Chocolate Lab class
2:50: Make our own chocolate bar. Some licking of the spoon may have occurred.
3:30: Leave The Chocolate Lab
3:45: Enter Cafe Zooka at The Hershey Story Museum
4:00: Share a "Chocolates of the World" 6-cup tasting spread of drinkable chocolate
4:30-6:00: Enter Chocolate Coma while children swim in hot hotel pool

24 Hours Later: Experience Stomach Discomfort

My thoughts on Road Tripping

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to offend any North-dwellers. Remember, it's from a Southerner's point of view.

Driving through the Northeast: a sortable list.

In the course of our 21-day road trip, we had the privilege of driving through Georgia, Tennessee, Virginia, Washington, DC, Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts.

Here are some issues we noted during this sojourn.

Signage: We in the South are so proud of our chain restaurants that we display a blue sign at each exit, telling you what foods are available there- you know, Hardees, Chick-Fil-A, or McDonald’s. Occasionally a Wendy’s, or in upscale areas, a Chili’s or Applebees. However, in the North we found an appalling lack of signage, which limited our coffee stops significantly. (because you can’t exit I-83 on a blind search for a Starbucks. You might never find one.)
However, in the North they kind of make up for it by conveniently placing a Dunkin Donuts at ½ mile intervals.

Speed Limit: In Georgia we are able to drive up to 70 mph on Interstates (and really, that possibly means 79 if luck is on your side). However, we found that the North holds strictly to 65, and even (gasp!) 55 in some areas. Furthermore, in the grand state of Connecticut, the residents don’t even deign to speed. They hold at a firm 65 mph the whole way through their tiny state. And while I’m on the subject of Connecticut, for such a tiny state, there are many, many of you plodding along on I-95 (at the aforementioned 65 mph MAX) that it took me almost two hours to travel your measly 93 miles. Where are you all going? And if it’s so important, why won’t you drive faster?

Signage, Pt 2: Really, the Northeast needs to get on board with the whole “mile markers match the exit signs” thing. It can really throw one for a loop in a place like Rhode Island. It’s only about 20 miles across to begin with, is it so tough to match the exits? There are only about 10 exits to change – shouldn’t be too hard, really.
We would like to give PA a holla for adapting, though.

Pros:
Connecticut: Steamed Cheeseburgers at Ted’s in Meriden. Totally worth the slow driving to get there. Also, all along the (slow) I-95 corridor, there are pull-off stops that resemble a “Rest Area” in the South, but they have a gas station and a McDonald’s each. Those are completely fabulous.

New York: We saw not one police officer on either of our trips through the Empire State. Thanks, guys. Would also like to add that the Hudson River Valley is beautiful.

Pennsylvania: Aside from the aforementioned ‘mile markers matching exit signs’, PA is beautiful from every vantage point that I laid eyes on. No wonder the Quakers snatched that place up.

All across the North: Friendly’s- an excellent way to blow 800 calories on a dessert.

Grown-Up Cheater Pants

To the man in the white polo shirt on the Flying Horses Carousel:

Please understand that the carousel is a ride for children, and that grabbing the brass ring is no longer a challenge when you are 2 feet taller than all of your competitors. Please also realize that you embarrassed yourself greatly today when the ten-years-your-junior Manager had to call you out on the microphone- TWICE- and then climb onto the still-moving carousel to bless you out for reaching across to grab rings that were not allotted for your side of the ride.

Dude. It's a $2 ride, and you looked like a fool.

When you try to steal joy from deserving children, there will always be a passel of moms ready to take your cheating hiney down. We will be watching for you next time.

The Most Faithful Man in the New Testament

The Gospel of Matthew, chapter 8:

The faith of the centurion has always puzzled me. Was his faith so great because he knew Jesus could heal his servant from afar, recognizing Jesus's authority to make that happen? Or was it because he was so humble he proclaimed he didn't deserve to have Jesus come to his home?

As I write this (and these things can always change), I believe it was the first. All of us, when faced with Jesus, will recognize our depravity and unworthiness. However, when the centurion made the comparison about authority he says, "I tell soldiers to 'do this' and they obey" (paraphrasing. can't you tell?)- he was assuming that Jesus could make similar proclamations- to say "heal" from afar, and his commands are obeyed.

Even more so I think most of us know that God indeed has that authority, but when it comes to Him using that authority on our behalf, we waver in our certainty. That is where the humility and unworthiness bleeds over into the faith, where it doesn't belong: faith isn't based on who WE are, but on who HE is. Therefore our faith shouldn't be tied to our unworthiness, but only to a recognition of His greatness.

Worry and Stress

According to Francis Chan:

"Worry: implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress: says that the things we're involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, and our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.

Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."

I really can't follow that up with anything. Enjoy your thinking.

In Defense of Earl

No, I'm not serious all the time. Not by half. If I began my new blog with a serious and convicting post you'd probably never return. I will ease into the serious stuff by penning a heated defense of one of my most recent favorite tv shows: "My Name is Earl".

I know what you're thinking already:

"RED-neck!"

"That show is foul!"

"Everybody on that show is dirty and disgusting!"

"The humor on that show is poor!"

And on all of those counts, you would be correct. Even my husband and I find ourselves saying, "why can't Randy shave?" or "can't Earl spare $10 for a haircut?" or, my biggest issue, "why doesn't Catalina get fired?"

So it's not a perfect show. I get that. Maybe you're more accustomed to shows about educated people, like lawyers and doctors; people that shower, like models and housewives (but really, after 6 years of "Lost" we should be used to pit stains); or people that don't talk coarsely and hang out in a bar (although most tv shows film a fair amount of scenes in a local hangout of some sort).

Now for the good stuff:

Every episode of "Earl" has a moral.

The bad guy always loses.

Treating people kindly and placing others above yourself always wins.

And really, who can argue with that?

So even if you have to endure with incredulity the fact that Earl slept with Giovanni Ribisi's mother, and must marry her so that Giovanni won't kill him. Or you have to listen to Joy's incessant bossing of her husband Darnell and her terrible treatment of minorities and selfish ignorance of people in need. At the end of the day, goodness prevails, and we get the warm fuzzies. It's a win for us.

My Makeover

My husband is the blogger in the family. He's quite good at it, too. Just look at our family blogs for evidence of this. However, I've recently decided that I could possibly use a blog to communicate Truth (with a capital 'T', no less), and encourage people, and do it in a way that will (hopefully) make you laugh, smile, chuckle, chortle, grin, smirk, or snicker.

If I have achieved any of these aims, and have made you think outside the box, than I have succeeded and I am thankful.

And anyway, I have a place to write, air grievances, tell stories, and and discuss whatever I wish; and if you're here, you'll have to read it.

Think of it as one continual Facebook status update.

See you soon.